?

roachpatrol:

itchycoil:

Whenever you’re feeling sudden calm its because I took your voodoo doll out for a picnic on a grassy hill

thank you

(via ugly)

untexting:

When you realize the exam is nothing like the practice test (a practice test by which you shaped your studying around) 

(via untexting)

fstw:

I don’t need a significant other just a significant income

(via hotboyproblems)

tsarism:

tsarism:

Just finished crying

Crying again

(via hotboyproblems)

alycidebnam:

when u find a girl cover of a song and she didn’t change the pronouns to make it straight

(via ugly)

ommanyte:

I feel that substituting sleep with caffeine is a lot like drinking unicorn blood to stay immortal. You will have but a half life, a cursed life, from the moment it touches your lips

(via toastbutteregg)

disneyprincest:

yes I know I’m sorry I was late but I put lotion on right before I left and it took me 20 minutes to get the door open

(via toastbutteregg)

counting-sinful-stars:

paganlesbean:

super-ghostbuster:

likeits1995:

tiny-septic-box-sam:

ggothclaudia:

adventureathlete:

thattallsummonerguy:

olisaurusrex:

true-blue-brit:

I’d never, ever hurt a lady but I’d be happy to punch a feminist.

It’d bring me great joy.

I’m 6’2 and weigh 180lbs

ready when you are

Or if you’d like to have some more options….

I’m 6’4”
228 pounds
and have 9 years of combined martial arts training and 3 years of being a Line Backer in football.
Just in case you are looking for variety.

what about a lady and a feminist. warning, combatives certified soldier.

im tiny, i’m like 5′4 and 130 lbs but u can fight me too

Reblogging for the last one cuz that’s adorable

SO PROUD

The Fantastic 4 we deserve

OMG IVE ONLY SEEN THIS POST IN SCREEN SHOTS

We will all protect the small one.

(via surprisebitch)

vodni:

me: *tells a bear fact*

you: ive already heard this one before

me: that is impossible i have over seven bear facts

(via surprisebitch)

bombing:

fucking doctor trying to tell me i have “radiation poisoning” like it’s something i definitely care about. can i fly or not

(via fruitcrocs)

bisexualdanhowell:

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

(via hotboyproblems)

bennyphantom:

-Passive aggressive
-Needs attention but pretends I don’t
-Likes to be pet
-Whiny
-Doesn’t know when to stop eating
-Needs to sleep 10+ hours
-Sheds a lot
-Lays on the floor where people are trying to walk
-Screams

(via confirmance)